Another day

My wife makes me sad. She thinks i do not want to do anything and that i am lazy.
I am not, i want a job, i want to be buff. I am always sad. every single day. When she is nice to me, she makes me happy. I am always happy to spend time and love my baby girl.
Those are the only times during the day i am happy.
I dive in to my computer games, not because i am addicted or care about them move. It is something i love to do. Something i would want to make money at one day ( shannon would call me an idiot at this point ).
When i play, every worry in the world goes away. Every bother in the world goes away. Every thought that would be provoking me.
If we lived where i could go out daily and do something, things would be different.
Shannon always says "i have to finish school here first". i want her to finish, but these shitty colleges are shit, pure and simple. I want to live near ( 5 miles or less ) or on the beach.
Not because there is fishing, not because "Oh, its the beach". it is because that is where i feel comfortable, where i am clear headed. If shannon wants me to be more healthy, that is where is how it needs to happen. I WILL be happy there. I grew up on the water, i have always been around it 99% of my days.
But the military drug me away from it for a long ass time and now i am being drug out of it again.
I think shannon is scared to move away from her family here. The only person in her family that EVER really helps is her grandmother. The rest of them just ridicule and pick on us.
I know places we can live, that is WONDERFUL. places layla SHOULD grow up at.
They are 50% cheaper than were we live now. We could have just part time jobs both or me a full time job and live GREAT!
I do not think shannon believe it is possible. But to get away from a bad situation ( this living here ), you first have to make a step in that direction.

I love my wife, but she really needs to let me for once, take control.
I could literally have us moved in around 3 months. I wish.....

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good morning!

Well today was the Christmas of 2013.
We are not all dead yet, no comets, no volcano's, no nothing.

It is not that i am disappointed, but who man does not want a world event to come along and you can be the hero of your family.

I have never really been the hero ( or i do not view my self  as the hero ) of my family.
Married 7 years with a kid, spent most of my life in the military. Cannot get a job that pays enough to go to or i just cannot find one.
I know my wife views me as nothing really worth anything. My daughter looks up to me daily which i love. I love her more than life or anything in creation.

I do not want a job that is stressful, but a job i can enjoy and want to go to work to.
I thought i found this a while ago. To be a program manager start at $10 an hour for the first 2 weeks. Then if i am kept, we discuss how much i am paid. But 7 months later i was still at $10 an hour driving 2 1/2 hours a day. So making no money after gas and baby sitting, i left. The company will not go anywhere anyways.

So while i am searching for a job, i am trying to get in to the Pro gaming world. Making videos, tutorials, game guides, and getting in to tournaments. My new love in gaming is Hearthstone. So i am working on becoming Pro in the game. So we will see.

But as i said today is Christmas 2013. Everyone is already in bed, as it is 11pm.
I got some nice things today, some new head phones, robe, undies, soaps etc. its very nice. i like them.
I feel i did not get my wife enough. I got her a nice robe, undies, and some new socks. It was all i could afford.

We will see how everything goes.

Off to watch doctor who. I hate sleeping.

I will post more soon BYE!